Ma

Watching mum walk into the OT, all alone, dazed and apprehensive, was one of the most painful moments of my life. I stood in front of the glass door, as they prepared her, so that if she were to lift her eyes, she'd see her eldest daughter, I knew my ma was scared, what she didn't know was that so was I. I watched her, my ma with her sweet, innocent face,her beautiful face with so much sadness, she drives me insane at times, but on any given day, I'd walk into a wall fire for her; if I could, I would take her pain, but I can't, all I can do is helplessly watch and pray and hope, rather foolishly, that it wont hurt at all, that she won't feel a thing.
I know I cant follow my parents everywhere, I know I cant erase their pain, I wish I could hold their hand and accompany them everywhere, but I can't. I must stop at the glass door, but for as long as the dear God gives me the capacity, I will go as far with them as I possibly can and stand there for as long as is needed.
Why must we be so sad so often?why can't we be happy all the time? Helplessness is an awful feeling,worrying for someone you love, must be the cruelest punishment in Hell and I must be the greatest sinner among 'em all.


How elusive is happiness and how fragile and I am so tired of living now.